The very best of Dilbert
1.Life is a waste of time; time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
2.If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
3.Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
4.Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
5.If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
6.I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
7.Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
8.Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
9.Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.
10,I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
11.You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter
12.Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
13.A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.
14.Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
15.If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
16.To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
17.Following the rules will not get the job done. Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules
18.Only the mediocre are at their best all the time
19.There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
20.When everything is coming your way......you're in the wrong lane.